Friday, January 4

AP Moment of the day ~ And now my son hates me


First Jessie thinks I'm mean for taking down the trees and today Jack told me "I HAY~KA YOU" : ( Talk about heartbreaking. Eh, the little bugger. He hates me because I told him he couldn't throw glasses across the room and really shouldn't be hitting his sister and we do wish he would kindly refrain from jumping off the couch onto the dog and it would be awfully nice if he wouldn't whine quite so much and no, he can't have any more ice cream for dinner.

** sigh **

I don't know what's up with the short one at the moment. He's maybe growing or something, but he sure is moody lately. Jessie has her moments of grumpiness too... it's sad to see. I remember when they were both such happy little mites!! I'm pretty sure they are both lacking attention from me. I think they could both stand a lot more one on one time. I'll try and make it more of a priority over the next few weeks and will see if I notice an improvement in their moods. I know a lack of outdoor activity bothers them too. They love going for walks and we did manage to get a nice long one in today. Once the weather warms up as it is supposed to do over the next few days, we'll try and get out more too.. I'm sure that will help them.

Meanwhile I have a little man who is very sad. He struggles with his communication but he manages to get his point across most of the time. Tonight he was worried that Mommy was "mad"... : ( I yell too much, I know that. He is naughty too much! I know that too! He is a very strong little boy with a tendency to kick, slap and throw things when he is over tired, stressed or hungry. He doesn't intend to hurt people I don't think, he just lashes out. This is very frustrating for everyone around him. We don't like to be hurt and we don't like things broken because he is throwing them. Sadly our most frequent reaction is to yell. Sure, we know better. Sure, once in a while the planets will align, I will be in a relaxed frame of mind, it won't be late in the evening and no one will be tired. I will remember the tools I have read about in my various parenting books, and I will be able to calmly, patiently and almost magically diffuse the situation to the satisfaction of all parties concerned. Most of the time however, it's yelling that does the trick. The kids are scared, the dog runs and hides, the rats cower in their cage and everyone in the house is disturbed and distressed. Yep. My proudest moments.
**hangs head** There is no one to blame here but myself. My kids don't deserve to be yelled at. They are human beings and they are trying to negotiate childhood. I need to respect that and try and deal with them in a calm and appropriate manner. How easy this all seems in retrospect when they are sleeping like angels in their cozy bed rather than running around yelling, leaping off the furniture, bossing, arguing and being difficult to be around!

It's very hard to be an adult surrounded by children. It doesn't take long before you sink to their level and far from being a calm island in the storm you find yourself tossed at sea with the other sinking ships, yelling to the distant shore as you drift farther and father out on the current.

Where did my sanity go and will I ever get it back?!

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