Friday, February 6

And no safety harness.......!!!

Well. As several friends can attest, I started out having an AWFUL day with Jack today. I did. I swore and yelled at him. I was furious and frustrated with him. I let him know it in no uncertain terms. In short I was THE worst mother EVER. Well I wasn't, even I have limits, but I still wouldn't have won any "AWESOME MOM" awards. That's a given.

Anyway, after sending the kids and pup outside to play and spending THREE HOURS on the phone having pep talks from friends, life seemed like it would be alright and wasn't ruined by having Jack share it with us. (Honestly, he was being rotten....!) I decided to pull myself together and go to see a friend across town. We gathered supplies (Including a Gen~You~Ine Figgy Pudding!!) and the puppy and headed to Diana's. We had a dog bathing party with a neighbor of hers and three pooches, the smallest of which was mine!!! The kids played HyperDash (Yeahy HyperDash, still LOVING that game!!) and the dogs raced around in the sun, drying off their shiny coats. I learned that puppy WILL come back if I shout "PUPPYPUPPYPUPPY" and maniacally shake a container of puppy treats!!!! (Who wouldn't, eh?!) and I also learned that, left unattended, Jack WILL walk all the way up the housing estate and be found by my friend's neighbor's husband whom I had only met 15 minutes earlier. Luckily. (I'm choosing to not think about it.......) Rex was going to be home late so I phoned in a pizza and picked it up along with a Dessert Pizza ( oh and aren't THEY just delicious!????? Nope. ) and headed home. Jessie and Jack had a shower and put their PJ's on whilst I fed the dogs and started the pizza. When they came down Jessie asked if we could watch A Cinderella Story whilst we ate. We did! It was quite a sweet little romance, just perfect for a nine year old girl. Jackster seemed to enjoy it too. We were just getting to the end of both the pizza and the movie when Jack suddenly and literally THREW himself at me and said "I YUV YOU" !!

" Well, I love you too, Jack!" I said.

"And I yuv Jessie" he said... "And I yuv playing huweee with you"..........And he threw his arms around my neck and covered my face with cherry flavored kisses!!!! What a sweetheart!!! I wrapped my arms around his little body and hugged him tight.

This morning I would have given him away to the first person I saw in the street. By bedtime I'd fight lions to keep him near me.


What a rollercoaster.

Tuesday, February 3

Facebooking the past! :D

I'd never really been a Facebook fan. I didn't "get" it, I didn't think I wanted to revisit the murky depths of my childhood... stir the sediment, so to speak... but lately I gave it a whirl. I was lonely. I needed to find SOMEONE to chat with me, someone to reach out to, so I opened the can. I'm glad I did!!! Today I chatted with my best friend from school. TWENTY YEARS it's been. We chatted on like it was only last week. Through other friends and groups I've been taken back to my old school days. I've poked at seeds of memories and they have failed to burst open into fetid spores but have gently unfurled and proven sweet to taste. My childhood was a fun and happy one, but it was underscored with sadness and pain. I didn't want to revisit that part and so find I have locked away years and years. I'm excited to maybe turn the key and see what's inside. Hopefully enough time has passed that only happiness remains.

The 80's fashions still look ridiculous though. Not much I can do about that !!!! :D

Sunday, February 1

Tough Love Hurts.

: ( Insert sad face here.

My poor kid. Jackster today. We went out to the store, Super Target again, and he was a very good boy ( for him!! ) and I bought him a big Etch A Sketch as he only has a tiny one and he loves it! He was thrilled with his new toy. I then went to the grocery store and the pet store and left the kids in the car, we ran by the library and dropped off some ( late ) books, then went to the mall. The kids LOVE Barnes and Nobles so we went there and I promised them ice cream from The Coldstone Creamery if they were good in B&N. Of course Jessie was good in B&N, she was BORN good in B&N. Jack, was not. Jack wasn't bad, but Jack ran off in the shop. Not once, not twice, but three times. I reminded him I would get him some ice cream if he was good and stayed with me in the store. I reminded him again that if he wanted ice cream he needed to stay with me. I gave him chances, I wanted him to succeed. He did not. We went to the ice cream store after the book store. Jessie got ice cream, I got ice cream, Jack did not get ice cream. He held my hand and looked at the choices and he was very quiet in the store. We came to leave and he asked me about his ice cream. I explained that I had told him he wouldn't have any if he ran off in the store.... I felt AWFUL. He said PLEEEEEEEASE. He kept saying "I'm a GOOD boy"..... We walked to the van and passed B&N again... he asked to go back in and be a good boy.... I told him I'm sure he would be good next time we went to the bookstore. Jessie felt so bad for him she asked if she could give him some of her ice cream. I said no. I kept telling him I knew he would be good next time. I kept telling myself and Jessie that I had wanted him to be successful, I wanted him to be happy, I felt deep sympathy for him.... sigh.....

Poor little boy.

The evening didn't get any better as sadly he also snapped his glasses totally in half on the way home and was saying "Darn IT" all the way back in between pleading for ice cream. He did get over it all, he helped with dinner, we chatted at the table, we cuddled and I stroked his back as he fell asleep...... However.....


I feel I did what I had to do.... I'm sure there are parents out there who would not have put him in such a position, I'm sure they think I am wrong and evil.... I did what I thought was right. I tried to be understanding and compassionate, but I also tried to stick to my position.

I HATE parenting.

It's. So. Damn. HARD. and it hurts.