I finally did it. Since I was 13 years old I have had a problem with anger especially around certain times of the month. I have tried all sorts of ways to deal with it, vitamins, cutting down sugar, exercise, journaling...nothing really seemed to help and it only got worse after I had children. I would flare up at the slightest thing and basically walk around in a state of frustration...a fuse waiting for the slightest spark. On Thursday I had an appointment with a really lovely therapist who specialises in hormones and moods. I had looked forward to the appointment with a mixture of excitement and trepidation. I knew that I would most like be prescribed something..a situation I had been desperate to avoid for years and years. I didn't want to be a "zombie" I didn't want to no longer be "me" .... However, the situation at home was getting intolerable for my husband and children. I yelled at them all daily without restraint. I would slam doors, throw things, screeeeeam and yell.... I NEVER hit the children, but yelling and screaming is abuse all of it's own and I knew I needed help, never mind the strain I was putting on my marriage. My husband is a WONDERFUL man and I would be an idiot to drive him away. I have a knack for saying just the right thing to cut him down at the knees. A wife always knows just how to hurt her husband the most. Nice eh. Anyway, I went to the therapist and we talked, fast, for an hour. She sent me away with a prescription that I would take for only two weeks out of four. She said for my situation it would work immediately as it wasn't treating depression but anger. I left with hope in my heart! I stopped by the drug store on the way home and picked up my TIIIIINY pills. At bedtime I stood, considering. Did I want to take this? How much will it change my life? Inwardly shrugging I put the teensy thing in my mouth and washed it down with a big gulp of water. I went to bed, I slept.
I woke up in the morning feeling a little ...woozy? Not bad, just sort of..light. The children were squabbling in their bedroom. Hubby went to sort them out, I wandered in after and talked to them.... and felt....nothing!! I went downstairs and the dog was barking..... nothing......!! Rex said he was going to go out with his friend on the weekend...... NOTHING!!! LOL!! It's a miracle drug!!! :D I took the children and puppy for a walk to the post office. I had a parcel to mail and a letter... Jack didn't want to walk, Jack kept stopping, we ran into a woman with two HUGE out of control dogs..... NOTHING!!!!! Things really came to a head yesterday morning when I was putting the top back on my moisturiser. The lid fell off and hit the floor. I simply bent down, picked it up and put it back on the bottle!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm SURE that sounds like no big deal, but honestly, in the past, the fact that the lid hit the floor would have INFURIATED me!! I'd have likely cussed and then slammed it back on the bottle!! I realised yesterday that perhaps it wasn't "NORMAL" to get so mad at a bottle top!!! It was normal for me!!!! I have noticed that if I hear the dog bark for example, a really loud and sudden ""YIP"" I no longer get that "JOLT" of anger! I don't get ANYTHING!! I find myself waiting for the jolt!!! Since I don't get it I am able to deal with the situation calmly!!! It's AMAZING!!!!!
Anyway, there ya have it. The "NEW" me !! :D And NOW I'm off to clean the house!!!! Isn't it a MIRACLE!!!?!!?!!
